Kate Dykes is the granddaughter and daughter of Texas high school football coaches, an alumna of Texas Tech University, mother of three and wife to Sonny Dykes, head coach of TCU's football team. Kate talks about navigating Sonny's firing from Cal in 2017 and how it ultimately set them on the path to head coaching jobs back in their home state of Texas. She also discusses the transition from SMU — where Sonny was head coach from 2018-2021 — to TCU, as the universities are located just 40 miles apart.
Kate Dykes is the granddaughter and daughter of Texas high school football coaches, an alumna of Texas Tech University, mother of three and wife to Sonny Dykes, head coach of TCU's football team. Kate talks about navigating Sonny's firing from Cal in 2017 and how it ultimately set them on the path to head coaching jobs back in their home state of Texas. She also discusses the transition from SMU — where Sonny was head coach from 2018-2021 — to TCU, as the universities are located just 40 miles apart.
Video of Episode 3 with Kate Dykes can be viewed on YouTube.
Click to read the full transcript of this episode.
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Kristi Malzahn: Hi friends. Thank y’all for being here. Today we are talking to Kate Dykes. Her husband is the head coach at TCU so I want y’all to welcome Kate. Hi Kate! How are ya?
Kate Dykes: Hi! I’m good, how are you?
Kristi Malzahn: I’m doing OK. Long time, no see. Like for the summer (laughs).
Kate Dykes: Exactly. Since May, or June.
Kristi Malzahn: I know, I know. Oh my goodness, so I’m going to jump right in here. I want to, because I know pieces of your story, but I don’t really know your story. I know the things that we’ve talked about here and there but beyond Google, tell me. You were a child of a coaching family and so talk to me. I mean tell me all about that.
Kate Dykes: OK so my grandfather was Joe Golding and he coached at Wichita Falls High School and then was the athletic director. And he, for a time period, was one of the winnigest coaches in Texas high school football.
Kristi Malzahn: OK wow.
Kate Dykes: I know, which is awesome. I never got to meet him. He died before I was born, right before I was born. Then my dad went into coaching and actually he went back and coached at the same high school that my grandfather coached and my dad grew up. So that’s where I graduated. And my dad coached football. I have two brothers and when they graduated, he switched to coaching girls to coach me. So then he was the girls coach for 15 years, actually maybe a little bit longer. Anyways, he just retired. And then my oldest brother is the head coach at UTEP for basketball. He was at ACU for 10 years and now he’s at UTEP. And my middle brother, he’s probably the one smart one, he’s not in coaching (laughs). And so he lives in Austin, doesn’t do coaching, but everyone else I feel like in my family has coached or done something with sports.
Kristi Malzahn: That’s awesome. That makes it really, you have a unique perspective as a coach’s kid, as a coach’s grandkid. I mean that’s a whole—
Kate Dykes: That’s right.
Kristi Malzahn: That’s a whole thing. Whole thing.
Kate Dykes: I agree. I knew what I was getting into.
Kristi Malzahn: Yeah.
Kate Dykes: You know.
Kristi Malzahn: No whining and complaining from you honey cause you knew.
Kate Dykes: Heck no. That’s exactly right.
Kristi Malzahn: Yeah. That’s right. So OK, so then rocking along, Kate graduates high school. Graduates college. Talk to me.
Kate Dykes: Go to Texas Tech and my, this is kind of a weird thing, but my parents and Sonny’s parents knew each other well just from coaching in Texas. Because Sonny’s dad at one point was high school in Texas.
Kristi Malzahn: OK.
Kate Dykes: And we lived in the same town when, but there’s obviously an age gap with Sonny and I so he and I never really crossed paths. I mean we knew each other but more just of each other.
Kristi Malzahn: Right.
Kate Dykes: When I was in college we had the most awesome sports information guy at Texas Tech. He name was Chris Cook. He still works for the university but in a different capacity. So I was just like a student worker through college doing that, and when I finished school I ran into Sonny. And they were working football camps and we just kind of, got started talking about what I wanted to do and I was kind of picking his brain and we just started dating. I mean it was, I was moving, had my first job — I don’t think either one of us ever thought it was going to be a thing. And it just, I mean literally from like that day forward we just never didn’t talk. And he was kind of a bachelor.
Kristi Malzahn: He was very happy with his free life.
Kate Dykes: None of his friends were married. Yes. All of his friends were single and so I just, I don’t know, I don’t know if I ever thought it would really go there and it did. So—
Kristi Malzahn: That’s awesome.
Kate Dykes: Very grateful.
Kristi Malzahn: OK so y’all got married. Where was he coaching when—
Kate Dykes: Texas Tech.
Kristi Malzahn: OK so he was at Texas Tech.
Kate Dykes: He and Dana Holgorsen were co-coordinators for Leach.
Kristi Malzahn: OK, OK.
Kate Dykes: When Sonny and I got married.
Kristi Malzahn: Alright.
Kate Dykes: And then we left and went to the University of Arizona.
Kristi Malzahn: OK.
Kate Dykes: And worked for Mike Stoops, who was so awesome. And we had the best — it was the most fun staff. We were all young. Starting to build families and we just had the best time. I’m still very close with everyone off that staff because it was just, it was my first move away from Texas you know. Kind of learning, figuring it out.
Kristi Malzahn: All the things. Yeah.
Kate Dykes: Yeah. And we had our first child there. Ally. And so we were there for three years. And then when he got his first head coaching job from there at Louisiana Tech.
Kristi Malzahn: OK.
Kate Dykes: Which was a such an awesome stop. It’s such a fabulous community. Really was such a, a God thing that that’s where we landed for our first job because they just, it was just such a precious little community that I think we were able to grow and learn and we had our second child there.
Kristi Malzahn: OK.
Kate Dykes: And her name is Charlie. And she’s 11. Then from there we went to Cal Berkley, which was like as opposite as you could get from Ruston. But we loved it. And we made great friends. I mean it was definitely challenging, it was just different from maybe anywhere we had been before but I, I loved it there. I mean I did. It didn’t end the way we wanted it, so I think it’s kind of funny when I tell people, “We got fired and I loved it.” But you know—
Kristi Malzahn: I understand that. I understand that. You—
Kate Dykes: You grow a lot from those times, and we did a lot of cool things. Our kids got to experience a lot of awesome things that they would have never done had we not lived there.
Kristi Malzahn: Right.
Kate Dykes: And we decided to have our baby, so he was born in California. So our girls were 8 and 5 when we had him.
Kristi Malzahn: Oh my. You started over. Kinda.
Kate Dykes: We basically started over. Yeah. We did. And everyone says was it an accident? I’m like no, we actually, I think we needed him.
Kristi Malzahn: Yeah.
Kate Dykes: At that point. It was our last — he was 3 months old the day we got fired. So I think we kind of knew—
Kristi Malzahn: So it was a good distraction, it was a nice distraction on a rough year. Yeah.
Kate Dykes: Yeah that’s exactly right. And so then we left there, um, got fired in January, which was really late.
Kristi Malzahn: OK so I kind of want to camp there for just a second.
Kate Dykes: OK yeah.
Kristi Malzahn: Because this is the deal. You know, there’s kind of that saying, and we’re on the tail end of that whole emotional rollercoaster, but that whole saying of you know, “There’s two kinds of coaches: Those that have been fired and those that are gonna be fired.” That’s just kind of a reality. And up to you know our point of, we were at year 30, we had made it without being fired and I think that was a real thing that…
Kate Dykes: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Kristi Malzahn: …that was another blow for us when it happened. It was just one of those ugh we almost made it but we didn’t make it, you know, kind of thing.
Kate Dykes: Right.
Kristi Malzahn: And so there’s a lot of emotion that goes into that. Kind of tell me how you walked through that part because this is more directed towards coaches’ wives and reality is there’s a lot of them that deal with the yucky side of coaching and it has, the business side is not pretty and it’s hard.
Kate Dykes: No, it isn’t. And it has lingering effects. I mean I think — well OK, so I think, I don’t know if you were this way but you kind of have an inkling it might happen.
Kristi Malzahn: Oh yeah.
Kate Dykes: You kind of start to feel, the anticipation of getting fired is worse than the firing.
Kristi Malzahn: Absolutely.
Kate Dykes: To me. The anxiousness. You’re worried. I mean every play, every game. That consumes you.
Kristi Malzahn: It truly. We did that for about five years. Five of our eight. So I get it. It was like it’s you or it’s Les Miles and then Les Miles gets fired over one play at the end of the game. I mean it is, it is a whole thing. And that’s a real, that’s a real feeling. I think in high school I didn’t experience that from, I mean he had successful high school but also because it has to go through the school board system and they don’t do a lot of in the middle of the year.
Kate Dykes: That’s exactly right.
Kristi Malzahn: That was an adjustment for me coming from high school 15 years to, it can be in the middle of the season. You could play game one and then it’s over if they’re not happy with you coming into the season. That’s the reality.
Kate Dykes: And really, I’ll be honest Kristi. I felt like we were kind of on the hot seat our entire tenure at Cal. Which, you know, this is what I think is hard. And coaches’ wives know this but the outside person might not know this so it becomes so hard because you know there’s that fine line of like advocating for your husband and then it’s just, it just is what it is. The outside world might not understand all the goings-on if you want to say it that way.
So we had Sandy Barbour was the athletic director who hired us at Cal. Amazing. And she and Sonny were like totally aligned on here’s where we are. We know it’s not great. Here’s where we need to be. There was leadership at the university. But within our first year both of those people were gone. Sandy was fired and the head of the university left. And so now you’re not aligned because it’s not who hired you. And so from that day forward, I always thought this is probably not going to end exactly how we want it to end.
You know we had awesome players and to their credit, I think it was hard on them.
Kristi Malzahn: Sure.
Kate Dykes: They always knew that. That they bought in and they did the very best they could And we actually had some good teams. It was hard. I think the anticipation of this is going to happen, you know, that did a bigger toll on us, or I should say for me, than it did him actually getting fired.
I remember looking at Sonny. It was a Sunday morning in January for coaching convention and he was having to hire D coordinators so we didn’t go. And he said I’m going to go meet with the athletic director over who we’re going to hire. And I remember looking at him and I was like, “Do you think you’re going to get fired today?” And he said, “No, Kate, it’s January. I’ve just had three people in our home. We’ve interviewed them. I don’t think I’m getting fired today.” And it was weird – he left the house and I knew it. Twenty minutes later he called me and he says, “You’re not going to believe it. I just got fired.” And that was a hard day.
You know, I think too you just hate it for your husband when you love ’em because you think they’ve worked their whole life to get to a certain spot that that breaks your heart as their support system.
So here’s the funniest story that as a coach’s wife you get it, right? I mean, your kids say things, you go through stuff that if you told it to a random person they don’t believe it. But he gets fired. Thank the lord my mom was still in town. So she took Daniel from me and I had a dear friend that said just drop the girls at my house. So that I could just have a moment with Sonny to like process—
Kristi Malzahn: Process. Yeah.
Kate Dykes: What do we do, you know. So we go to pick the girls back up from the friend’s house later that evening. We’re driving. You know everything in the Bay Area is really hilly. We’re driving up this hill and Charlie is in the back and she was 5 and she’s going, “Daddy, you got fired. F-I-R-E-D. Fired. Fired. Fired.”
Kristi Malzahn: (laughs) That is so— because the purity of all of that. (laughs)
Kate Dykes: (laughs) Yes. And Sonny is driving, and he and I just start dying laughing because you’re like “Yup! I guess we got fired!”
Kristi Malzahn: We did! (laughs)
Kate Dykes: “Yup! That’s right.” And she’s like, “At least you’re not on fire.” And we’re like, “Yup! I mean, there is a positive. Yup we’re not on fire. We just got fired.” So we’re just
Kristi Malzahn: That is so awesome.
Kate Dykes: If you knew Charlie, you’re like of course it was Charlie who said that. So we always laugh but we left. We were gone within a week. He got fired on a Sunday. We had a lake house, which was amazing. We had this refuge that we were like, we’ll just go there. And Sonny’s dad lived in the same area and he wasn’t doing great health-wise. So we thought we’ll go there. And we’ll just put the kids in school and we’ll figure it out.
Kristi Malzahn: K.
Kate Dykes: So Sonny left on Wednesday with one of his very best friends from when we were at Louisiana Tech. He flew out. They drove a car with the little U-Haul behind it with just stuff we had to have immediately and our dog. And they drove to Vegas and made a stop.
Kristi Malzahn: Of course.
Kate Dykes: With a U-Haul and a dog. You know. And they did this little drive to Austin and on the way that’s when Gary called Sonny and said what would you think about coming to TCU and being an analyst?
Kristi Malzahn: Yeah.
Kate Dykes: And so that’s how we ended at TCU. I will always be so grateful to Gary and Kelsey because we, it gave us a spot to land. And Sonny, his ego was shot. Not an ego, I don’t want to say that. But your pride.
Kristi Malzahn: Your confidence level. Some of the things, all the things for the minute. It’s like you start to question like, what could I have done differently?
Kate Dykes: Yeah. Am I as good?
Kristi Malzahn: What could I have done better? Yeah, all the things. Yeah.
Kate Dykes: And so it was such an awesome place and I’m so grateful that Gary gave him the opportunity to be here because he got to be in football but just got to decompress.
Kristi Malzahn: Right.
Kate Dykes: And we had struggled on defense a lot at Cal. And so it was really good for him to come and shadow Gary and watch from that perspective. And we ended up, I got a phone call one morning when we were in Fort Worth in April, and they said Sonny’s dad just had a massive heart attack. And so I had to call up to the school. And we ended up losing him. But had we not, if we would have been in Cal, Sonny would have never made it to his dad’s house. Or to be with his dad at the hospital while he passed. And so all things work for a reason. And the lord’s planning and his journey and his timing and so it was such a blessing that we were here. That he could leave the office, get in a car, drive three hours and be there with his brother and sister, which that would have never happened. I mean it would have been an airplane ride and then a car ride, you know?
Kristi Malzahn: Right.
Kate Dykes: And so we got through that, spent the season here in Fort Worth and then got the SMU job.
Kristi Malzahn: K.
Kate Dykes: Which you know they took a chance on us. It’s hard sometimes to hire someone whose been fired.
Kristi Malzahn: Sure, absolutely.
Kate Dykes: And they did. And I will always be so grateful.
Kristi Malzahn: That was one of the things that Terry asked Gus was, “Are you ready? Are you, are you in a good space mentally, emotionally?
Kate Dykes: Yes.
Kristi Malzahn: “Are you there? Because I really feel like you’re the guy for this job.” And we were February 15. I mean it was, not firing. That happened in December so we had an 8-week window.
Kate Dykes: Yes.
Kristi Malzahn: But getting hired here, it happened, it all happened so late because of the domino effect but that was a real conversation. And it had been a real conversation for Gus and I, just that did we even want to go back to coaching? I mean maybe, we’ve had our run and this has taken its toll good, bad and indifferent — you know, the good things, the bad things. But now we’re in a space of, you know, we’re — he was, he was mid-50s. I was just kind of edging into 50. I’m just saying. So. But. He was looking at it like are we sure? And there were some opportunities that were more you know talking about instead of living it.
Kate Dykes: Doing.
Kristi Malzahn: And doing it. And so that was a real conversation. So kudos to him for having time to heal and losing his dad in the midst of that. And then yay for SMU giving you the shot because wow! That was a great run.
Kate Dykes: Because if not — yeah. I mean, that’s hard. You know. You think, I read somewhere during that year that we left Cal like some of the hardest things to go through are losing a parent, firing, having a newborn. And we had a newborn, got fired, and lost his dad all within six months. I just will always be so grateful to SMU because they took a chance on us.
Kristi Malzahn: Sure.
Kate Dykes: And it was an awesome four years. You know, I’m really proud of what we did there.
Kristi Malzahn: Sure.
Kate Dykes: I mean it’s like little things. It’s really fun for me now. I see the triple-D logo that we did that was the city of Dallas with a mustang in it, and that was the football creative staff. And that’s where it gets tricky because you leave a school like that to come to a rival 45 minutes away. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. And my kids. It was hard. And the one thing that I don’t like the way football has shifted is like you know firing coaches in the middle of the season. Because it just puts everyone, it was unfortunate timing that all that was going on while we still had games to play, you know. And so, which happens now. I mean that’s just the nature of this business.And it is so hard to do if you care about people or if you have built relationships. It’s just messy.
Kristi Malzahn: You know, it’s so true. And one of the things that just comes back to me for our personal walk is I don’t want to live an offended life. I don’t want to walk around being mad.
Kate Dykes: Yeah, I – the last seven months have been lots of ups and downs but you know I think it’s hard. It was hard on our kids. That departure. Especially our oldest. She’s 13 and someone wears a shirt to school that has your dad’s face with traitor written across it, that’s hard. Because it’s just her dad.
Kristi Malzahn: Yeah.
Kate Dykes: You know. But at the end of the day, it’s like I’ve told them. I’m like listen we’re just going to wake up every day and try to do the very best we can. And your dad is going to make mistakes and I’m going to make mistakes and I’ve had to make amends with people from things that I didn’t do perfect or right and you’re going to have to do the same and it’s OK. And we’re just going to wake up and try to do the very best we can.
Kristi Malzahn: Right.
Kate Dykes: This is a complicated business. There’s no clear answers. And we’re just going to dig in as a little family and just you know try to do the best we can. That’s what I always tell them. Be kind and do the best you can and love the lord.
Kristi Malzahn: One of the things, it was interesting, because when we left Auburn to go to Arkansas State something that Jonna’s mom said to me. And it was very interesting because we were leaving at the bowl game and I was, I had people. I loved, I loved the staff. Jonna and I were like two peas in a pod. And we truly, I had people that are still my people.
Kate Dykes: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Kristi Malzahn: And I was weepy. You know I was excited for Gus for the new adventure but at the same time, I was sad leaving where we were leaving. And we’d stayed on to coach the bowl. Well Jonna’s mom was sitting behind us at the game and you know she caught me kind of having a teary moment for just a minute of just realizing you know this is, it’s your players. We’d been there for three years and it wasn’t like a lifetime but it was long enough to feel connected. I mean we had pulled in our kids—
Kate Dykes: Three, three years in coaching is like a lifetime.
Kristi Malzahn: Is like a lifetime. It is. It’s like a lifetime. And so it is a whole thing that you know all these pieces and everything swirling but she looked at me and she said, “You know what sometimes it’s harder to be the one staying than the one going.” And boy did that come — because I thought you know as people, there’s that excitement of something new.
Kate Dykes: Yes. Yup.
Kristi Malzahn: And sometimes it’s kind of OK to have a fresh start with new people that are just excited to see ya.
Kate Dykes: Yes.
Kristi Malzahn: And I’m going to tell ya it’s been a breath of fresh air in some ways to have people excited about you know seeing you.
Kate Dykes: Like when we were at SMU, I think we thought OK you know what, this is, this is some place we can stay for a long time.
Kristi Malzahn: Right.
Kate Dykes: And it just all changed with the landscape of conferences.
Kristi Malzahn: Sure. Sure.
Kate Dykes: And so it’s hard because you’re right, you have to be careful how you say it. And when we, but I think that’s, we’ve always tried to be good about that, not make a promise and then you know I think, in retrospect, again these are things that you learn and you make sure if you did something that you now say gosh, I shouldn’t have done that. Or I should have done it better. This is a time to then regroup and say OK, we’ll do it this way this time or whatever.
Kristi Malzahn: Right.
Kate Dykes: But it’s hard. It’s just a complicated business and I’m so grateful to be in it.
Kristi Malzahn: Me too.
Kate Dykes: Yes, there’s a lot of perks. I always say this to people. There’s a lot of perks and we know that and we’re grateful. But it’s not always roses.
Kristi Malzahn: No. So on that note, let me ask you. What would you say the best thing— when our kids were little we would do this thing when we would travel: best time, worst time. Gus’ cousins introduced us.
Kate Dykes: We did the rose and thorn.
Kristi Malzahn: So what is your best thing about coaching?
Kate Dykes: I definitely think my rose, which is what we say in our house—
Kristi Malzahn: Sure.
Kate Dykes: Would just be being able, you know I love having an opportunity to be around young people. Because I think you and Gus get this, not everyone does. Sometimes I think as a society we sell young people short. They’re really smart. They’re very intuitive. And I like being around them because they keep you honest. And they keep you, you know, your mind — having an open mind about different things. And keep you growing and learning. You know you watch people as you get older, you kind of get more close-minded or you get more stagnant and I’m just so thankful that we get to be around young people that make us better.
Kristi Malzahn: Sure.
Kate Dykes: I mean I feel like I’m a better parent because I’m around—
Kristi Malzahn: Absolutely.
Kate Dykes: Those young men. And it always keeps my mind working, of like what can I do different? How do I approach my own kids? They’re surrounded by a lot of young people from a lot of different backgrounds and different ways of life and that is so healthy. I think that is the greatest gift you can give your kids is for them to have open mind, open heart, open eyes to just be kind, considerate humans. So that’s my rose.
Kristi Malzahn: Right. So your worst, your thorn. Your worst part.
30:37 Kate Dykes: You know when you see your kids hurt. That’s hard. You know.
Kristi Malzahn: They have to learn some real-life lessons. They experience things that are adult issues sometimes.
Kate Dykes: I had a— we had a coach on our staff that’s now at Ole Miss. And his wife — He played at a school we were coaching at and he had left to go to Ole Miss. And so when some things were transpiring that weren’t super lovely, she called me and she said listen, Randall always tell me, ”When emotions are high, clarity is low.”
Kristi Malzahn: That’s going to be my new tatted across.
Kate Dykes: I’m telling you. It is my like motto.
Kristi Malzahn: So say it one more time.
Kate Dykes: When emotions are high, clarity is low.
Kristi Malzahn: That’s intense.
Kate Dykes: And it’s Randall Joyner. He’s at Ole Miss. He’s the d-line coach for Kiffin. And he’s awesome. And they came by the house and loved on us and just kept saying that and I literally would pray it when I went to bed and when I woke up and that has been so helpful. It’s just kind of been my motto. Of anything. I mean to my teenage daughter when she gets into a thing—
Kristi Malzahn: Yeah that’s a whole life lesson right there.
Kate Dykes: Yeah.
Kristi Malzahn: So are there any other pieces of advice that you would just, I mean coming from your mom was a coach’s wife. Your grandmother was a coach’s wife. What do you have that maybe would apply to, because truly I think there’s pieces of this, of our lives that don’t translate to high school but there’s most of it that does.
Kate Dykes: I agree with that. I agree with that. I agree. You know I just think the biggest thing is, and the majority of the friends we have in this business do it this way, but I just would say invest. Invest in the people of the town, the players. It makes it harder when you leave — or if they force you out or you choose to leave. It makes it harder because you built these relationships but it’s worth it.
Kristi Malzahn: Right.
Kate Dykes: I can’t imagine doing it any other way where you don’t really build relationships where you get to know people because that’s what makes it worth it. I mean you are in this business to help and shape and mold young people and to really do that you have to be as invested as you’re asking them to be. And so I think that goes to whether you’re a junior high coach or a high school coach or a college coach or whatever it might be. Just invest. And make the most of it because we’re in this business to change young people’s lives and to make sure when they leave us they’re good husbands and good fathers and good employees and dependable.
Kristi Malzahn: And some come in with great foundations. Others don’t. But the whole thing is, you just want to, it’s like anything in life. You want to leave it better than you found it.
Kate Dykes: That’s right. That’s exactly right.
Kristi Malzahn: And how it came in. So for sure.
Kate Dykes: Yup. I think that’s it.
Kristi Malzahn: I think it’s a great word. It’s a great word. And I know for us it’s been something that investing – we now have friends all over because of that. And you find that even as the people who are not necessarily connected to your football because they’re not in your staff or in your you know circle every day, you still make relationships that go on for years and years and years.
Kate Dykes: Forever.
Kristi Malzahn: And you can connect back to hey, you know, and it’s kind of fun. For me it is. I’m a people person. I love that.
Kate Dykes: No I agree. I had a big birthday last year and it was so fun because I had people who helped celebrate me from Arizona to Louisiana to the Bay Area to Fort Worth and Dallas and so you think it’s worth that. Because those are the people that make up the space of my life.
Kristi Malzahn: For sure. So when we come to town next year.
Kate Dykes: Yes, we’re going to hang out.
Kristi Malzahn: Or the next. We are so hanging out. I promise.
Kate Dykes: Yes we are.
Kristi Malzahn: It’s gonna be fun.
Kate Dykes: Well, you’re awesome. And listen you are such a bright light as a coach’s wife. And I just appreciate that you do what you do and you are who you are. It means a lot to people.
Kristi Malzahn: I’m a lot. You are correct. I am a lot.
Kate Dykes: I love it. I’m a lot.