Kristi and Gus Malzahn — currently at UCF — discuss some of their challenges and highlights of their 30+ year marriage and coaching career together. They also talk about the intention behind starting the Beyond Gameday podcast.
Kristi and Gus Malzahn — currently at UCF — discuss some of their challenges and highlights of their 30+ year marriage and coaching career together. They also talk about the intention behind starting the Beyond Gameday podcast.
Video of Episode 1 with Gus Malzahn can be viewed on YouTube.
Click to read the full transcript of this episode.
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Gus Malzahn: First of all, I’m really excited we’re here. Since COVID, you know, we’ve talked about you doing something similar to this. I’ve said for a long time that you have a great heart for coaches’ wives. And you’ve got great experience with everything from high school to college and everything that we went through. I’m just excited that we’re actually here and getting this journey started.
Kristi Malzahn: Yeah. I think so. It’s a little nerve-wracking. I’m not going to lie. I’m excited. I think there’s a lot of need and a lot of missing pieces out there for coaches’ wives. So hopefully we’ll find a – get into groove, find a niche and be able to fill it.
Gus Malzahn: Think back to when we were first getting started. I’m sure that an experienced coach’s wife would have been great with some wisdom. We were a head coach I guess our second year and we just kind of went with it and it’s been a crazy ride.
Kristi Malzahn: I would say definite, lots of mistakes. Lots and lots of mistakes. But I think you’ve said it a thousand times, we got to learn on the job. So there’s some of that that I’m very thankful for. But the truth is we did have older coaches who were pouring into us. And helping us out and giving little nuggets of advice here and there. So you know I think it’s a good thing. We’ll see what happens.
Gus Malzahn: So let me ask you this. What was it like when we first started coaching. And we were in high school and man I was a work-aholic and wanted to win championships, wanted to do all that. We had our two girls. Sometimes you were the lone ranger. What was it like for you?
Kristi Malzhan: Well I mean first of all let’s just go back to you took a job without me ever seeing the town that had a population of 1,900 people. So that was…
Gus Malzahn: We were desperate to get a job though.
Kristi Malzahn: No you were desperate to get a job. I was OK with you being a Cintas truck driver for the moment. But when I arrived at the lovely little town and my mom came with us, we found a place and it had had all the cats and dogs and such in it and it was kind of the only option in town to live in, I was a little overwhelmed. I’m not going to lie. But I was 22 years old. My goodness. If you look back that was a lot of years ago.
Gus Malzahn: Yeah we moved into a trailer. A single wide trailer.
Kristi Malzahn: No. First we moved into the house first. And then we moved into the trailer. No we moved into the house with the mice. And then we moved into the trailer. We upgraded to the trailer. We had a lot of fun moments.
Gus Malzahn: Yeah and then of course we moved to northwest Arkansas. We moved to Shiloh. I remember I was working from 5:30 to dark.
Kristi Malzahn: I think it was a little later than dark. There were many days if you remember that the girls would wake up and you weren’t there and go to bed and you weren’t there. Because they were little and those were there days. I was thankful for the time – Kylie was second grade I think when we got there and I was thankful for the lunchroom visits that you got to do with her because she was so excited she got to see dad on campus. Because you were in a small school that everybody ate in the lunchroom. So you were able to come through and daddy daughter date in the lunch room.
Gus Malzahn: Well of course y’all came to practices.
Kristi Malzahn: We came to a lot of practices. That started in Hughes and going back to that because we didn’t really finish up that piece of it, that was a time that I learned – got to kind of a bitter place probably year three of our whole career. Whopping third year. Just because I was alone and I was doing all of it by myself. And I was a little frustrated and you know looking back I don’t know how we were making it financially but we were. And it was OK. But it was hard. And one of the things that I had an older coach’s wife say, "Take the kids to practice. Make it something fun for the girls." And I kept thinking I’ve got girls, it’s not fun. But they loved it. And they ended up taking great ownership in what you were doing. And by way of that we ended up having a team mentality inside our home where we were working as a unit towards a common goal and that kind of gave them an ownership and just something to look forward to in the afternoons. And goodness it was good just to get them out of the house for me.
Gus Malzahn: Yeah and it was always special for me to see y’all on the sideline during the breaks and all that. And you’re exactly right. I think our players saw us as one. And that we were doing it together. That was really neat. So OK high school, I was a head coach. I was an athletic director. Just talk to me...
Kristi Malzahn: Don’t forget about your awesome basketball coaching career too. That you had in there.
Gus Malzahn: That was when we first started though.
Kristi Malzahn: Yeah that was the first eight years. You were coaching basketball too. Common high school situation – you coached two different sports. That’s the reality. Because you moved into administration on your third high school job you didn’t have to do the second sport. That was the thing.
Gus Malzahn: So we’re sitting here. We did 15 years of high school football and basketball that you said and AD. What advice would you give a coach’s wife that has a husband like me that’s doing all that, that’s wanting to coach at a championship level, that is…
Kristi Malzahn: I don’t know if I have any advice. That’s why I’m going to ask other women in here to talk with me.
Gus Malzahn: OK great answer.
Kristi Malzahn: Because I don’t know if I have a lot of advice that would be useful. I have a lot of opinions about things but I don’t necessarily have advice.
Gus Malzahn: Right OK. We did 15 years of high school football and then all of a sudden we were straight to college. I’d like to hear from your standpoint what’s the difference between high school and college from a coach’s wife standpoint?
Kristi Malzahn: I think the stage would be the only thing I could really point out.
Gus Malzhan: I thought you were going to say the recruiting.
Kristi Malzahn: You know what though, if you think about it, you worked enough hours. I mean, you being gone overnight was different. But my long days didn’t really change. It wasn’t like that was a humongous change for me. The recruiting for me coming in definitely a change. But the other side of that, I was already involved in our players anyway. So because I had those relationships and I was spending that time building those relationships with the parents, with the kids, that translated into recruiting. So that wasn’t a hard transition for me.
The biggest thing for me was, you know I’ve said this a thousand times. The difference in you and John Doe at a corporation, your job evaluation is done in the papers and on TV every single weekend and while you can be accused of making a bad play call, which I might or might not accuse of that every now and then, there is a lot of people in there that — you’re depending on kids to make those plays happen. And you’re depending on children to do well in what you’ve taught them and perform well on a stage for you to get a good grade. And so that’s a piece of it that is hard to do sometimes.
Gus Malzahn: Along those lines, a lot of pressure in coaching college football.
Kristi Malzahn: Sometimes I think there was just as much pressure as in the high school. Because I’m going to tell you for me there was because I was closer to the parents.
Gus Malzhan: Right yeah. I’ll agree with that.
Kristi Malzahn: I get where you’re going, but I’m going to tell ya on the side of those are the people you live with and you see at the grocery store every day.
Gus Malzahn: Where I was going with it though, in college I’m wrapped up in the next opponent. I don’t listen to ESPN, I don’t listen to radio, but you and the girls you’ve got to hear all that stuff. There’s some good, some bad. How tough was those situations with you and the girls when things weren’t going great and you had to listen to that?
Kristi Malzahn: How tough were those situations. I think experience over time helped. Because we learned as a family – and we learned that you had a pretty successful high school career. So we hadn’t done a lot of the processing if you’re losing. We really didn’t get the experience a lot of that thankfully. But I do think when we got to the college ranks and got in that space, experience helped teach us don’t engage and you can’t get too caught up in the highs or the lows. But the other side of it, we’re going to take all the credit when everybody’s praising you, then we’ve got to be able to deal with the junk when they’re not and when they are criticizing and critiquing you so nicely.
Gus Malzahn: I remember when we got into college football, the one thing you told me, you said college football is not going to change us. What did you mean by that?
Kristi Malzahn: OK how do I say this gracefully? We had experienced a lot of college coaches coming through, we had seen some things. Didn’t want you to become dependent upon telling a story or promising a kid something that you could not produce and not allowing it to change us to the core of what we were seeking to be. Because we kind of set up our entire career around teaching and mentoring and it mattered what you were doing and that it was truly you were who you said you were.
Gus Malzahn: Right because you always said we’re going to be honest. We’re going to be honest. We’re not gonna…
Kristi Malzahn: Watch your words.
Gus Malzahn: Watch your words.
Kristi Malzahn: Like you can’t promise anybody you’re going to be there forever. You can’t promise anybody that they’re going to get playing time. You don’t know that. You don’t know what’s going to happen. We learned that one the hard way the first year out.
Gus Malzahn: Yeah, you’ve always been kind of my accountability in a lot of different areas.
Kristi Malzahn: I’m not really your accountability. I’m just the loudest voice in your ear. (laughs)
Gus Malzahn: You keep me grounded. You never let me get too high.
Kristi Malzahn: Well, babe. You know.
Gus Malzahn: We won the national championship. We get on the bus.
Kristi Malzahn: It wasn’t in the bus. It was at the hotel. After the family had laugh. I gave you time to celebrate on the bus and with the family and then when everybody left, I just asked you, why we only scored what was it?
Gus Malzahn: 22 points.
Kristi Malzahn: I thought it was 21 points. OK 22 points. Really?
Gus Malzahn: Hey they were pretty good. We almost scored a couple — we won the national championship.
Kristi Malzahn: OK let’s go back to, what was Oregon known for? It was this high powered offense. What was Auburn known for? High powered offense. Gus Malzhan, woo hoo! And then what happened?
Gus Malzahn: Right.
Kristi Malzahn: Thank goodness for Wes Byrum kicking that field goal.
Gus Malzahn: Yeah, you kept me grounded. But you also were the biggest encourager for me in the biggest moments. We lost the national championships almost the last play of the game and you were the one who helped me get through that. The encouraging and keeping me grounded, it was a great balance. And that’s always been the thing that sticks out to me.
Kristi Malzahn: Yeah that was an interesting night. You know I watch the games —starting in Auburn — I watched the games alone in a room. That night they found a green room where they had John Legend — he had sung the national anthem — and so he had been in and out. They stuck me in there to watch the game and I’m watching and then I realized the last 10 minutes, 15 minutes actual minutes of the game, not the ticking of the clock, but they start pulling out our T shirts. We’re the national champions. And a few minutes later, umm they’re pushing those back in and pulling and they just, “Sorry Miss Malzahn.” And I’m trying not to react because I got to be so bold but it was a moment. And it was hard watching the kids and the coaches. But mainly the kids that the broken hearted, the tears, ugh. They work so hard. I think that’s the thing. People think of wives as being the fans. I think we are, I would say we’re encouragers. We’re supporters.
Gus Malzahn: I always say you’re the team mom and we kind of do this thing together. You’re the personality, I’m the boring…
Kristi Malzahn: I mean now, I’m old enough to be their grandmother. Let’s just say the truth.
Gus Malzahn: Don’t say that. (laughs)
Kristi Malzahn: There’s a lot of these kids that truly their grandparents are about my age. UGHHH.
Gus Malzahn: We’ll have a player. And you’ll ask me, what’s wrong with him? And well nothing’s wrong with him – he’s been playing good and he’s happy and then I find out the next day that Derek’s got a girlfriend problem and he’s not doing well. I mean how do you do that?
Kristi Malzahn: I think sometimes it’s just me paying attention to what they’re saying and doing. You’re focused on a little more of the day to day outside but I’m seeing a little more of the emotional. If you watch, kids will tell you what’s going on. They’ll tell you.
Gus Malzahn: Alright so you have a rule that when our players come over to our house, I can never talk football. Why is that?
Kristi Malzahn: Well, let’s go back to why that started. That was one of those things we have our players over by position and the first year or two that we did it, it was very rushed and crowded because we did it by offense and defense. So we broke it up and started doing it by position and it gave me a little more time to talk. Well ,the very question you just had a minute ago, about how do you know? It’s because you get to know them and you know what’s going on and you can see when there’s a difference and what’s happening. So you not being able to talk football allowed me to encourage more of a day to day what’s going on in your life kind of conversation.
Yeah so I would say, that you talking about me team Mom and us doing this thing together and doing it as a unit, all these things have been a thread all the way through our lives. And then what happened last year? What was last year?
Gus Malzahn: Yeah. You’re talking about last year with everything or last year with you getting sick?
Kristi Malzahn: Well I think all that ties together. So we started out that we’re in the process of moving and we’ve had a life change and a location change. And all of that always entails, from my perspective, it’s something that I’ve learned to give myself at least nine months. It’s like I’m giving birth to a new life in this new place and I need to figure out where my nail person and my hair person and my dog person and all the things are. So we were just getting there because we moved here in March, I did. You came in February. We were hired February 15. And I got here the end of March. And had some stuff with my mom happen just almost immediately in the middle of April. Then we moved forward to September, October season kicks off. By game three pretty much half your team is injured. I mean hello. That was a first for us.
Gus Malzahn: Yeah the difference this year. You just said it. Like your dad was sick, your mom wasn’t doing well, you had to tend to her. You’ve missed how many games in 32 years before this year?
Kristi Malzahn: Between three and four. Never really could figure out what the fourth one was but I do feel like there’s a fourth one somewhere in 32 years.
Gus Malzahn: So you were gone the majority of the deal. It felt very weird for me. Very weird. And then I end up getting hurt. I mean that’s embarrassing. And it was a very challenging football season with you just said the injuries. We finished strong.
Then about a month after the season you get sick. I mean just about of the blue. You never get sick. In 32 years up to that point you hadn’t been sick.
Kristi Malzahn: It was 33 years at that point, but go ahead.
Gus Malzahn: 33 years. And all of a sudden you got sick and it happened so quick. There was five days in there that I mean I thought I was going to lose you. You could just tell by the doctors. They weren’t telling me but I just knew it. It was the worst, worst five days of my life. Probably six days.
Now that everything is done and you’re healthy, I really look at it as a blessing that I’ve got the opportunity to see what life without you is like. I didn’t like it. I hope it helps me in the future be a better husband, be a better person, be a better coach. And then there’s a lot of thoughts during that time like man if I didn’t have you, I didn’t want to coach. We do this things together. That’s who we are. So I really appreciate you more than ever because of that experience. Like I said I am just excited for the next however many years we’re going to coach, end it and I sit here and think about our journey and I wouldn’t be half the coach I am without you. And it’s not even close.
For me to have you through this journey, through all the ups and downs. And I loved high school, we had a great time. Now we’re in college and we’ve experienced some of the highs of the highs and some of the lows of the lows but we did it together. You’ve always been that one to keep me grounded when I need to get grounded. Because everybody pats you on the back and tells you how great you are. But then, like we said earlier, the encourager. You encourage me. You’re the only one who could have done it. Other people are trying to but when your wife does it, it’s different. Because when you’re a leader – I don’t care if it’s high school or college – when you’re a leader it’s lonely. It’s lonely at the top, especially high pressure jobs. You don’t have anybody to talk to. You’ve been that person for me and I know other coaches will the say the same thing about their coach’s wife.
That’s why I’m excited for you with this journey, with all the different coaches’ wives you’re going to be able to talk to. That way people can learn through their story. So I’m real excited for you. I’ve been probably for the last two years, it’s almost like I’ve been pressuring you. It’s your moment. I’ve been a coach 30 — but you’ve got great influence and you’re a great person and I’m just excited for you.
Kristi Malzahn: We’ve had some times in the past and that was something that has held me back, not wanting to go there, not wanting to put myself out there any further than I had to. And because at the heart of everything, I want to make certain, that I’m a good addition to you. That I am a helpmate. That I’m a completer. That I’m something that’s positive for you rather than be something that’s a negative side.
And this past year it has been, it’s been hard. It got to a place where you know we had the grandbaby and then we had my dad and then we had your leg all in the same day basically. And the ups and downs of coming into a new program and not knowing anybody around and having to make relationships, building relationships. And you’re right. It’s a lonely space. It’s lonely for the head coach but it’s also lonely for the head coach’s wife. I mean how many times have we talked about the fact that basically – they all get together and have fun and they don’t invite us. And I will say, I do think it’s a kind of a drag for me because I’m a lot more fun than you are and they would invite me but they would have to invite you if they invite me so…
Gus Malzahn: (laughs) I agree.
Kristi Malzahn: So I take one for the team. I’m just going to say.
Gus Malzahn: Yeah, you do.
Kristi Malzahn: You know, I think that loneliness and that realization was so intense for you during the sickness. There was so much you’re seeing that my illness helped you see. But for me, I just went to sleep and woke up. I didn’t realize that it was — and I say went to sleep, in that when I was intubated I didn’t know what was going on and when I woke up, when I finally came to and was really there, it was kind of like OK what are we doing? Let’s go home.
I was talking to some friends this last week in just the idea of how fast I recovered, thank you Lord, it truly has been a miracle in of itself. But I think it was a moment where you started looking at me going, “Do you really want to do this? Because it’s OK if you don’t. I am OK to walk away if that’s what we need to do because you’re what matters.”
Gus Malzahn: Right.
Kristi Malzahn: And I think panic kind of set in. Because we hadn’t even talked about really getting to a place of truly having Gus Malzahn not coaching and it being retirement life. You have too much to give still. You have too much to teach. You have too much to do. You have too much energy. You don’t sit well. You’re not still well. And you know, I kind of need my mornings. Me and the dogs, we like our dogs just a little bit chill for just a minute and I just don’t believe the lord is through with you in that arena yet. I feel like we’ll both know it.
I knew it when you were going into college. You had turned 40 that year. You had met every single goal you had ever set for yourself and we had talked about. Every single one of them was done. I knew it in my spirit we were moving on. I didn’t know where. I didn’t know what. But I knew that chapter had finished.
Then it did and look what it’s gotten us know. I feel like I’ll know but I do feel like this is another chapter for us. For me. For the heart of what we really have always been about and that is pouring into, loving on, encouraging and mentoring people as they’re coming in behind us.
At one time I didn’t realize that we were mentoring, but there’s always somebody younger, there’s always somebody older that you can learn from and somebody younger that you can teach. And if you’re paying attention to those people around you, there’s plenty of need. There’s plenty of need. And I do see, you’re just now getting to a place where you can start looking around, and I’ve noticed you doing it lately where you’re starting to see some of the guys that you brought in; and I don’t mean it like you were the only one that did it. But you saw them, brought them in, gave them opportunities and for lack of a better phrase, you poured into them and gave them what they needed to go on to be a little more. And now they’re doing the same for other people.
It’s kind of cool we’re just in that – we’re what is it, hole 14? Because I refuse to say we’re on 15.
Gus Malzahn: Yeah we’re on the back nine somewhere.
Kristi Malzahn: Yeah, in the back nine.
Gus Malzahn: Yeah, we might be in the fairway of 15.
Kristi Malzahn: No. Oh my gosh I was thinking 12. Quit trying to rush us.
Gus Malzahn: OK (laughs).
Kristi Malzahn: But it is that thing of just finding a way to love on others.
Gus Malzahn: What are you – you’re fixing to have these coaches’ wives on. What are you looking forward to the most?
Kristi Malzahn: I think hearing what their thoughts are and what their experiences are and seeing what their journey has taken them through. Because everybody has a little different story but everybody has a story. It’s just a different path on how to get there. It’s going to be fun to see. We’ve got some cool people who have told me yes. It’s going to start out with a bang I think and we’re going to get that one going. We’re going to pull in some legacy type people as well as just young coaches’ wives who are already in the thick of it and today’s coaching world looks vastly different from what it looked like when we started 30 some odd years ago. Like completely different. Even in the high school ranks it’s different. Kids, while they’re not different, they’re different.
Gus Malzahn: Yeah more challenges for sure.
Kristi Malzahn: There’s a lot more challenges.
Gus Malzahn: They didn’t have social media when we first…
Kristi Malzahn: We didn’t have social media when we first got into college. Let’s think about that.
Gus Malzahn: Yeah how about that. You’re really saying how old we are now.
Kristi Malzahn: Myspace had just started. I’ll never forget in 2009, I think it was 2009, and Twitter may have started in 2008, but in 2009 when all of our kids started getting on there and I couldn’t figure out what in the heck. Coach’s wife Penny Graham said, “Kristi it’s like the ESPN ticker, it just keeps on – new news, all the time. New news all the time.” OK I can get that. I understand that piece of it.
Gus Malzahn: You’re right. There’s more challenges than probably ever before and I think there’s a need more than ever before. Coaches’ wives need to be encouraged because I think at the end of the day y’all have a lot tougher job than we do as coaches. And I know in your case and my case that definitely holds true.
Kristi Malzahn: Well I think for sure, the woman behind the man is a big deal. It is a big deal. And I would say when the wives are not happy, I mean how many times have we talked about it? It affects the coaching room. It affects the coaches at their heart if they know their wives are not happy or things are not happening well at home, it does affect what’s going on, which then bleeds over into the kids, into the team, into the dynamics of the team. And so you know, at the heart of it, we matter.
I think we do matter and we have a role that’s very important. So that’s part of the — I just would love for coaches’ wives to love what God has called their family to. Even if he has not called you into the day the day. For me, it was be as involved as I could and to be as walking side by side with you as possible. Full-time job, kids, and my mom used to tell people because we worked together, she would say and her husband is a full-time job as well. And it was the truth. I think that’s very real for a lot of people. But to find a way, find what you’re comfortable with and to know that’s going to look different for everybody. That’s not something that there’s one set way for that. But at the heart of it, that you are working in unison and working in unity with your husband.
I mean let’s just be honest. For coaches, y’all have books, videos, you’ve written one, put out a few, and you always say you’re proof anyone can write a book.
Gus Malzahn: Oh there’s no doubt. I made C’s in English, can’t spell a lick and I wrote a book, OK.
Kristi Malzahn: You don’t really have proper grammar but we’ll let that go. Truly there’s not as much for wives. There’s not much as information, there’s not as much in the form of a resource or encouragement or whatever. And that’s what we want to be. We want to take what everyone hears on ESPN or whatever their station might be, the stories from the coaches or about the coaches, but tell you the stories behind the story of how they got there. And what it looks like for it to actually take place and come off successful and y’all looking like you got it together.
Gus Malzahn: Well I think you’re just the person to do that. And I’m excited to watch.
Kristi Malzahn: You just wait, babe. And you love it don’t you? When I say I’m telling the story, you just —
Gus Malzahn: I do. I’ve been encouraging you for two years.
Kristi Malzahn: What do we know? That we don’t have a lot of secrets and what we say it’s you know, it’s the whole thing.
Gus Malzahn You’re going to be great. I’m excited to watch you.
Kristi Malzahn: Well, you’re welcome for getting to be my first guest. Appreciate ya.